I grew up in the Catholic Church.  My parents chose to raise my older brother and I with their background of the Catholic faith.  When I was young, we all went to church on a regular basis and my brother and I both attended Catholic grade schools.  We did not enjoy church all the time, but we learned the values of the religion and how it would benefit us in the future.  It was not until high school that I pursued religious aspirations without the gentle nudge of my parents.  While growing up, most of the students that I knew in school, including myself, only went to church to please their parents.  But, by the time I was a teenager, I gained the maturity to desire an independant relationship with God.  Of course, my family continued to support me in this decision and encourage me as I began to walk my spiritual journey.  However, my life is somewhat different now as my desire to grow with God has recently lacked in strength.  I feel like I have lost my spiritual origin within the Catholic faith due to the conflicts with stress and time management in college life, my lack of energy to spend more time with God by attending mass more frequently, and some of the relationships that I have established.

        The lack of time and concentration in the life of many college students has always had its place, especially with me.  But, for me, procrastination about studying, stems from the tendency of thinking we have all the time in the world to finish an assignment or study for a test.  For example, if there is a test in the next two weeks, sometimes I will wait until the last couple days before to prepare for it.  Just as with academics, my reflective time with the Lord has been limited and I rarely have the will power to redirect time spent with my boyfriend or schoolwork by transforming my habits out of their routine state.

        Fortunately, I have realized this and have attempted to spend more time praying, talking to God, and reading my bible.  There was no specific day on which I discovered this, but the truth hit me extremely hard while on a weekend retreat for Marquette University Intervarsity Christian Fellowship.  Although, I am still trying to think things through and process everything I have learned in the last 20 years, those three days may have changed my outlook on life.  In reality, time is a fragile thing.  If you do not take control of it, then, it will definitely take control of you.  I have finally learned this lesson, but it is already my sophomore year.

        First of all, despite my Catholic upbringing, I do not think there has been a huge influence on practicing religion in our household.  In some aspects, I am relieved that my parents chose not to push religion onto us because I pride myself in having my own convictions and opinions on how things should happen in my life.  On the other hand, I have always wanted a real close connection with my Savior and I have not completely had the opportunity to get as close to Him in past years.  Frankly, I do not believe this was due to the few times my family failed to attend church because even some of those who go to church every single Sunday do not provide acceptable and holy examples throughout the rest of the week.  For example, I have friends who claim to be Christian and who even encourage me to hand over my life to God, and yet, I just recently witnessed them drinking wine at a special dinner this past weekend.  According to the Christian code, one should not consume any alcoholic beverages because oneís body is his or her temple and to contaminate that temple is sinful.  It is as if some Catholics assume that God is going to cleanse them of their sins each week, but during the week, they are free to do anything and everything they choose.

        The second problem related to my faith can be traced back to the prior issue because it takes time out of my busy day to pray, read scripture, and create open space to receive God.  I have been experiencing a reduction in my attendance at church, as well as, the hours I spend with the Lord.  Over the retreat weekend, I came to the realization that this part of my life has been especially suffering.  I started to feel like I was setting a less than positive example for my peers and maybe even future generations.

        Lastly, I am now seeing that my current four-month relationship with my boyfriend will withstand the test of time and religion because I truly believe he is the person with whom God has designed for me.  This man has been my supporter, my best friend, my boyfriend, and my soul mate; to put it simply, we just fit together.  We have grown to know and understand one another very well.  Aside from this relationship bliss, I have recently been turned upside down with doubtful thoughts about whether or not a non-Christian individual, like my boyfriend, can be spiritually joined with a Christian person, such as myself.  I admit that he and I do not practice every aspect of the bible because we are still learning every day.  But, I know that the special man in my life does not have the same desire for this.  I respect this and try very hard not to push my faith into his mind because I have seen how it can push us even farther apart.  For example, the night after returning from the retreat I approached him with concern regarding our relationship, saying that I felt it would be better if we take time away from each other for awhile, which would also aid in my goals and success in my college classes.  But, that was then, and this is now.  I have decided not to allow beliefs to hinder our endless love with a break.  Therefore, I am thinking about planning to cut some of the ties with those who show ignorance or misconception.  I feel like a couple of my friends do not understand my relationship with the man that I love and cherish so dearly because they seem to present an attitude of the love between a ìbelieverî and a ìnon-believerî.  According to Godís word, the Bible, ìDo not be yoked together with unbelievers, For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?  Or what fellowship can light have with darknessî (Corinthians 6:14).  A friend of my mother made this quote aware to me and they first time I looked it up to read it, I was taken a back.  I did not expect that kind of sudden reaction to a passage in the Bible.  This scripture basically means that I must reject the love of my life and accept that we may lose each other over a few very important, yet feasible issues.

        Even though I have these slight distractions in my life, I believe that with enough tenacity I can work to correct them.  It will take time and extreme determination, but I know that I can turn these barricades, which occasionally hinder my faith, into highways that provide full service to the fulfillment of my dreams and goals.  We do not necessarily need to rid our lives of the things that bind us.  Instead, we need to initiate plans of action for making these boundaries work for us and converting ourselves into more responsible individuals in the process.